How funny that right after I wrote that last blog post, I stopped doing everything the rest of my trip to see my friend because a bunch of other mentally and emotionally draining things happened there. And by funny, I mean disappointing. I felt my old blueprint kick in with guilt as I read the words in Greatest Salesman saying I would not miss a day…I HAD…SEVERAL! And I that was the only part of my MKMMA class I had been doing at all yet! Then, I read the Blueprint Builder, and saw that again, I was promising myself things I had not been doing, and I felt like a liar and a failure, and felt overwhelmed. I am so fortunate, though, that I have a great awareness, and am surrounded with people who I pick bits of wisdom from. While training my young dog for competition with my friend, I felt EXTREMELY frustrated and her speed felt out of control. I kept stopping when things felt out of control, and my friend told me I needed to fight harder to make it happen when I had that feeling, not stop. And that is what I am now applying to MKMMA.
I returned home and already felt so far behind in the class and with everything I needed to do at home and I felt overwhelmed and, consequently, exhausted and unproductive, and then I met with my counselor who gave me more wisdom. Instead of saying to myself, “I have so much to do and I am totally overwhelmed”, I needed to reprogram my thinking, take things one step at a time, and say to myself, “I get things done”. I used my MKMMA training to understand the importance of adding a feeling word to it, so I started telling myself over and over and over “I get things done and I feel accomplished.” And just like the training said, when I started saying different words, my subconscious believed them, and I started FEELING different, and when I felt differently, I started ACTING differently. I stopped thinking about how far behind I was, and started thinking about how I could fight harder to be on track, and I started thinking about how I could take things one step at a time and celebrate each small accomplishment because it further reinforced that “I get things done and I feel accomplished”. And feeling accomplished is an amazing feeling. 🙂
I can still feel my old programming whispering in my ear…the programming that tells me as I write my DMP not to set my goals too high because failing to achieve them will hurt. The programming that tries to convince me that I don’t really WANT the things that have not been achieved easily anymore, because if I don’t really want them anyway, I am not failing by not attaining them. But the truth is, I DO want them, and the truth is also that I will only fail if I take the easy but ugly and broken road of changing and lowering my dreams instead of the beautiful and fulfilling road of changing my thinking to achieve the dreams I have always had.
I am in love with this course and the feeling of hope, faith, and excitement I have thinking about the bold, successful, heroic life I am working to lead.