I feel like I have been behind this entire course, getting behind the first week because I was visiting friends in another state, and then I have never truly gotten caught up, and I have gotten further and further behind. When I was keeping up with most of the tasks, I noticed positive changes in myself. I felt better, felt more in touch with my potential, felt more hopeful, I even started being EARLY to things, which had never happened in my life, but when I would think about procrastinating leaving for an appointment, I would tell myself “Do it now” and I would go. It felt AMAZING. And then things started slipping.
I struggled with some of the exercises, and I was weeks late getting them done. The Press Release was the first. I don’t know why I had such a strong mental block about it, but I just couldn’t visualize it and get it done! I still haven’t done my movie poster, though I have dedicated days to getting caught up, I kept allowing myself to get side tracked because I was blocked with that, too. I’d taken a shortcut and waited to hand write my DMP with the shapes until the final version got approved so I wouldn’t have to recopy it over and over and “waste time”. In the meantime, I missed WEEKS of connecting the feelings in my DMP to the shapes and colors and, once I jumped myself back into action late last week and wrote it out anyway even if I would have to redo it, I noticed such a BIG difference in the way it felt reading it in my own handwriting and reading it with all the colors and shapes. I may have saved time, but I cheated myself out of a lot of progress, which may be while everything else is taking me so much longer now. I just now got my shapes done, but have yet to hang them, and I still don’t have any 3D reminders in my house of my goals. When I started getting behind, I started feeling like I was losing control, watching the ship sail away without me, and it did not feel good.
I started falling back into my old patterns…late for things, saying “I’ll start up again tomorrow”, those types of things. I started feeling all those sames feelings that were the reasons I got into the course in the first place…fear, doubt, blah blah blah. I had a bit of a breakdown and then gave myself a good mental spanking late last week just before I went out of town for 4 days. I made efforts to still do my exercises though I was very busy, but I was not 100% by any means, and again figured I would start again when I got home. Even this blog is days late. I felt myself start thinking about my old patterns of quitting because I was so far behind and am not sure I will be able to truly catch up at this point. After the previous week’s webinar, I started asking myself, “Why am I resisting?” and allowed myself to live with the question. That being said, I obviously don’t have the answer. 😉
And then I said NO. I WILL NOT quit and I will not allow myself to not get these things done. Yup, I have allowed myself to get behind. I am reading some other people’s blogs who HAVE kept good fidelity to the course and they are a few weeks ahead of me now and they seem to be experiencing wonderful results, results like I was starting to feel when *I* was truly keeping fidelity to the exercises! So the rest of this week, I am going to bust my TAIL and make catching up with EVERYTHING in this course a priority. I may not get everything I COULD have gotten from this course now, but I will get everything I CAN get going forward! “Today I begin a new life”, and I will create good habits, because good habits are the key to all success.
I am DETERMINED to fight tooth and nail to claim my place in my life and take full advantage of this class. I am sharing my struggles in case others are feeling the same and need a little boost to not give up. I may finish this class blistered and bleeding from running after everyone else, but I WILL become part of the MasterMind community (getting in the forums has been on my long list of things to do but have yet to do!) and, with love for my future self and love and support for and from my classmates and guides, I WILL FINISH STRONG. I promise to do my best the rest of this class, and I always keep my promises.