After my big Turning Point this week, I read and listened my DMP and I hated it! Almost everything in it was about ME…what I was going to get, do, have. I included some philanthropic programs I’d started in the past to help others that I was extremely passionate about, but it was like I remembered loving doing those things and wanted to love them again, but couldn’t connect with them anymore. So much in my DMP was all about me, and after reconnecting with my desire to give, it just felt wrong.
I realized that, just as I’d been wanting to hoard my mom’s lake home for myself, I’ve been hoarding everything in my life. I have been hoarding my love, time, compassion, forgiveness, commitment, connection, money, passion, empathy, enthusiasm, and talent. I’d turned into SCROOGE!!! I wasn’t going to let myself be hurt, vulnerable, or disappointed again, so I have not been giving an ounce more than necessary to meet the minimum requirements in my life. I have excelled in most areas I have applied myself to, so my minimum in many areas of my life was still above average, and many didn’t even notice the changes, but I did, or, I do now. I know what I am capable of, and I have not been doing my best in life. Ironically, the more I hoarded, the more bankrupt I became of things like passion, hope, love, belief, happiness, peace, and power.
I have been so richly rewarded in my life when the Law of Compensation, essentially, “Give more, get more”, was instinctively at the core of my being, and have felt nothing but lack, fear, and loss since I started pushing it away and hoarding. Every day I held resentments and chose to hoard my gifts to keep them from possibly landing in the “wrong hands”, I gift wrapped my ability to become one with the universe and truly reach my bliss, and took it from myself to give it to everyone and everything I was working so desperately to keep it from. I’d felt most alive when I was giving 100% and focusing on making a difference to others, in my life and relationships, and that is precisely what I had given up…why? To protect myself? To prove a point???
But no more. MKMMA brought the ghosts of Christmas past, present, and future to me (ironically, right before Christmas), and I shall not weep on my grave in my future, full of regrets, rather, I shall rejoice at the grave of my old blueprint that has been holding me hostage. The cement is cracking off in chunks. I will rewrite my Definite Major Purpose, and I will love it. It will be written by the me I am, not the me I had become. The first line will change from, “I excitedly wake up saying ‘What do I GET to do today???’ with sun, freedom, and my dogs!” to “I excitedly wake up saying ‘How can I make a difference today?’ with passion, intention, and grit.” And through that, my life and my potential will continue to open, connections will form, and deep love like I have been experiencing being surrounded by my family over the holidays will continue to grow, and I will feel completely alive with a strong sense of purpose again.
This video embodies everything I am moving towards…passion, perseverance, taking challenges one step at a time with the end in mind, no matter how difficult each step may be, and the power of having those you love by your side. It brought tears to my eyes, and that’s not all that easy to do.