I wanted to say it has been a rough week, but I am going to choose my words carefully with the Law of Substitution and the Law of Growth, and say it has been a powerful week for gratitude. It hasn’t been easy. Yesterday, I made the appointment to have Siryn, my vibrant 12 year old competition dog’s, lower jaw removed because of a tumor in it. There was some lack of communication that is likely causing much more of her jaw to be removed than there would have been, and I did an amazing job of reminding myself that everyone is human and makes mistakes, and I consciously chose to not have resentment, and the peace that comes from not attaching to resentment is really quite astounding.
I have been calling places all over the country about alternative treatments, and I have been beyond touched by the genuine care, concern, and prompt attention I felt from staff answering the phones at dozens of different places where they hear sad stories every day and everyone wants to get moved to the front of the line. Plus, over 175 friends on Facebook took the time to offer their support and ideas. I have been on the receiving end of our daily pledge of, “I promise to give hope for joy, affluence, kindness, and love, consciously with every encounter, regardless of the brevity,” and it made a huge impact on me during a very difficult time.
Through all of this going on, I have started dropping off more and more on my MKMMA exercises and, though I tried to tell myself it was justified because of all the emotional stress, the truth is that we find a way to make time for the things that we want to make time for. Decreasing the daily exercises, I can feel my new reality growing more distant, and I don’t want that to happen. I have a couple weeks of catching up to do now, as I have not been able to tell that Gal in the Glass that I did my best for this course. I see the amazing posts from people who seem light years ahead of me, and I feel discouraged at my lack of progress, but then I am reminded of when I first got Siryn. She was my first big dog, and all the people who got her siblings were very experienced, winning Nationals and being on the World Team when we were still fumbling around at the very beginner levels. I was so focused on being behind everyone else that I didn’t even enjoy the process of learning. It wasn’t until I decided that this was OUR journey, not anybody else’s, and that we would get to wherever we were supposed to get, that I started relaxing, detaching from the outcome, and having fun with the process. And we have been darned successful over the past decade together!
It is a good reminder to apply the same thing to MKMMA now. I may not get as far along in these 26 weeks now compared to the others who have maintained unwavering fidelity to the exercises, but I can FEEL that things have changed in me, changes I LIKE, such as feeling a compulsive urge to do things now that I would have DEFINITELY procrastinated on before, letting go of and not accepting any new resentments, being more conscious of giving, doing affirmations, being able to sit still for 15 minutes, better focus on the positives and improved awareness of my opinions and negative thoughts. I love these changes and I fully intend to keep pushing forward and persisting in this journey to get even more changes and growth, and to get as far as I can possibly get during the remainder of these 26 weeks and beyond. It’s not a competition with others, it’s my journey, and it’s my bliss. So hand me a shovel, because it’s time to dig deeper and get this done!